God Help the Girl

I am in love with the city...I am in love with a boy. This song describes my life, with respect to my city and the boy:



My City

I am true to my city, If I never see another city in all my years to come, I will die happy. My city is busy, dirty, noisy and easily misunderstood. I love London more than Carrie loves New york and ten times more than lovers love Paris. I love tea, I love Oxford street and I love the friendly man on the underground. 

I love Nottinghill with all its splendour. I love Woolwich for all my lost memories and for its library right opposite Sainsburys. I have dreams bigger than Blackheath because my heart belongs to Greenwich.  I know where the 51, 53, 274, 992 422 and 486 take me. My heart is aching to go on a big red bus and explore my city. I want to go further; see what is happening in Hackney and see the beauty hidden in the Tate. 

I love the style. In this small town, nobody dresses to impress. Nobody makes a fuss about the fact that Zara can't be found and the only colours they recognise is blue and grey. I want the colour back, I miss the smell of fish and chips and seeing the school kids carrying their chicken boxes. I am too young to live in a town, I need to conquer the big City.  Maybe it is because I am a londoner, but I am not home until I have LBC, Heart, Kiss and Choice on the FM.  I am forever greatful for this small town because it has taught me so much about life and made me into a woman. But this town is too small for someone with a heart as big as mine. 

The Boy

I am in love with the city and I want to return but but I seem unable to because I am in love with a boy whose heart belongs to this small town. God help this girl because it is a love that doesn't love back but whether right or wrong it is as big as Mr Big. God help me because I am boring myself; preachers say a prayer for me because there is no way around it, he is in love with another girl...

"I am a wreck"

"I am tired and nervous"

I keep "the company of just myself"

"I laugh at my own jokes"

"He is in with his lifelong girl"

I am in love with the city I can't be in and in love with the boy I can't have. God help this girl

A Guide to Recognising Your Angels and Saints

In this life, we spend so much time concentrating on the bad that happens to us that we could end thing that life is unfair, that we are helpless against the cruel laws of nature. The truth and nothing but the truth is that LIFE JUST IS. It is not fair, nor cruel nor out of your control. The universe is larger than you, the individual. The universe is not fair but it is balanced. Yes, you have your haters but you must not be so myopic that you fail to see the amazing strangers and beautiful friends hat show you great kindness. This is a guide to recognising the angels and saints in your life. 

Angels

We are all encouraged to show kindness to strangers because we do not know when we could be entertaining angels. In this guide, angels doesn't necessary just refer to spirit beings but rather individuals who enter your life for a brief period of time and guide you during your most difficult periods. You can meet these strangers anywhere, I have lost count of how many times I have meet kind strangers on long train trips. 

I once meet a kind stranger and she didn't know it but at that particular time, she acted as a guardian angel to me. I had just turned twenty one and I was scared of everything. I had just got a job and was afraid of leaving my beloved London to go and leave in a town I thought to be boring and dull.  I was in Woolwich getting my nails done when a pretty blond woman struck a conversation with me. Apprehensive at first, I stared at the petit blond woman. I simply did not undersand why she would even want to speak to me; could she not tell we had nothing in common, could she not tell that I was as far away from Leafy Blackheath as one could get. I was being a dramatic, emotional confused black girl...I was waiting for lightening to strike me and leave me out of my misery. 

Misery was written on my face but the lady continued speaking to me in a kind voice. She told me her whole life story  and I opened up little by little. 'I am twenty one and scared.' I felt alone and the term self pity cannot right describe my emotions I was feeling. The little lady made me feel comfortable, she talked about her family, her job and her years in educations. To this day, I can't remember her name but her words still resinate with me. 'Move, move from your parents. Move and start your job as soon as possible. You are scare because this is a new experience but this experience will teach you more in the first year than all your years in education.' I was advised to leave my family,  leave London for a job I didn't even know I liked. To not only go but to go and do a job i felt was below me with cheerfulness because at twenty one the most important thing I should be chasing should be 'EXPERIENCE.' Ladies and gentleman, a year ago, two roads diverged and I took the one that scared me, and that had made all the difference. 

Kind strangers have entered my life to help me continue on my path. How encouraging when a stranger tells you: 'You are where you should be,' when you feel like you may have already ruined your life.  Strangers have told me within thirty of meeting me that I am worth worth and are more qualified than what my heart and brain lead me to believe.  They have encouraged me to invest in myself and reminded me that 90% of the things we worry about never happen. They have said kind, encouraging words and meant it. They can give life changing advice in thirty seconds. What more can you expect from kind strangers. 

Saints

My saints are more than kind strangers. I have known some of my saints all my life. They are my parents, my siblings, my amazing friends and the beautiful men who enter your life and remain always. 

One day you are going to realise just how much your parents love and you are going to be so overwhelmed with emotion that you are going to cry. You are going to realise that your siblings are the greatest support network you have ever had and that they have taught you more about love than anyone else. You are going to open your eyes and see the difference between friends and associates. You are going to know who your saints are and who you are a saint to. 

Staying Hungry and Staying Foolish Stops the Drowning Sensation

In recent months I have developed a habit of watching commencement speeches, reading self help books and watching a lot of Oprah clips. I am getting to know myself, working on believing in myself and dreaming amazing dreams that sometimes scare me. When i get scared, I remember that I should feel the feel the fear and do it anywhere. 

 One of my favourites commencement speech was the one given by Steve Jobs to Stanford graduates:

The line 'stay hungry, stay foolish' really intrigued me. Until a few months ago, I considered myself a very REALISTIC person. I never dreamed for myself anything too ambitious. Life was simple and very BORING. Out of boredom and a feeling of emptiness, I started watching commencement speeches for motivation reasons; to stop the dreaded and constant feeling of drowning in this empty world. 

The reason for the constant drowning sensation was caused by being 21/22 and not knowing what to do with my life. I have a job I kinda hate, a non existent love life and no calling in life. I still have the same job but I now know this is just my first job; it is supposed to be a learning experience. I have learned to 'stay hungry' in my quest for knowledge. I go to work to learn. At this early course of my career, I need to acquire the skills that will help me make money. Every lesson you learn from a shitty job will one day be useful to you.

In one of the so many inspirational clips I have watched on Inside The Actors Studio,  George Carlin tells the students at Pace University to look after and cultivate their dreams. I am starting to look after my dream as if it is my first born child. The problem with dreaming big, it takes a lot of faith on your part and you have to remain foolish in the face of those that seek to discourage you. To be honest, sometimes you discourage yourself. You have to stay foolish to those that discourage you. If you are a poor London girl and you dream a big so dream that even uttering it scares those around you into foolishness, you have to develop self belief, determination and be fearless to the nth degree. whenever you feel overwhelmed; like you are drowning, it is because you lack the hunger and the guts to stay foolish and follow a dream most would consider impossible. 

I have written this for anyone out who feels like their are drowning and have no direction in this life. More importantly, I have written this for myself. 

LIANNA LA HAVAS

You will thank me later.

AMY

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